Sunday, October 9, 2011

Yes I'm mad at you.

You don't have to tell me I can be mad at you.
I already am. I'm not mad for too many reasons, just enough.
I'm mad that you ignored my attempts to contact you for an entire day.
I'm mad that you made me feel used even though I believe your promise that you did not.
I'm terribly mad you ended this for the second time
And at last, I am angry, considering our current "places" in life, that you believe we cannot be together.
You're wrong.
The reason is you're not ready.
And when you are I hope I'm there..

But I may not be.

Although, I'm not ready to let this go.
So until you come around...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Love and Dislike

I keep having these reoccurring dreams that our house keeps getting broken into..
Last night was about the 4th time I've had that dream, but each time it's different people breaking in.
The only reason I can think of having this dream so often is that I just don't feel safe or comfortable here anymore..
It's been about 10 years that I've lived here and I am old enough to leave.. As soon as I can save up some money I will.
I love you for being the best parent I have ever had, better than my father could have ever been.
I dislike you for the beliefs that you are just so invested in now, and the things you've done in the past.
I'd like to think I have forgiven you for those incidents. Sometimes I believe I have. I mean, I suppose I should because they are done and cannot be changed but sometimes I find myself still very angry about them. I would never chose a significant other over a blood parent as yourself because that is childish and unfair, but I can't express enough how wrong I think you are about the person I've invested my feelings in. You were so supportive all this time like you always have been my whole life. You choosing to withdraw that now is uncalled for in my opinion. Your reasons backing it are frivolous. You never listened to me when I told you to end an abusive relationship, regardless of your reasons, why should I listen to you when you tell me you don't approve of a completely non-abusive but just a normally imperfect relationship?